Couples Therapy Social Justice Movements and Interpersonal Growth

In the United States of America there has been a revival of the Civil Rights’ movement through Black Lives Matter and #Metoo. One couple’s therapist, Orna Guralnik, has found that these social justice movements have allowed individuals to address their unconscious bias more effectively as the social justice rhetoric becomes internalized. As a result, the therapist is seeing trends of more reflections and self-awareness in the couples therapy clients. Throughout this blog post you will find examples of how social justice movements have encouraged interpersonal growth in psychotherapy patients.

Oftentimes, couples attend therapy because they are having disagreements within their relationship surrounding money, infidelity, or a plethora of other issues. According to Orna Guralnik, the primary issue of the couple’s disagreements is being unable to recognize the otherness in their partner, “One of the most difficult challenges for couples is getting them to see beyond their own entrenched perspectives, to acknowledge a partner’s radical otherness” (New York Times). The article explains that social justice movements have helped Guralnik’s clients see beyond their own perspective. The language of social justice movements such as, “virtue signaling” and “performative allyship” has encouraged self-reflection as individuals assess the motives of their actions. Are they being an ally in this moment because it aligns with their core values, or are they just concerned about how they will appear to their peers? This brings us to the concept of guilt versus guiltiness. “Guilt entails feeling bad for having harmed another; guiltiness is the preoccupation with yourself — whether you are or aren’t guilty” (New York Times). The preoccupation found within guiltiness acts as an inhibitor to understanding the other. Oftentimes, it is the guiltiness that leads people to be defensive, for example the person becomes more concerned with whether or not their action is perceived as being racist than whether their action is racist.

This fine line of self-reflection, ‘Do you feel remorse for what you have done? Or how it has led to you being perceived?’ has allowed individuals to go deeper in their interpersonal relationships. Here is one client example below:

“Hold on. Have I been an ally? Has it just been optics?” These insights extended even to his way of speaking about his transgression. He had been rationalizing his behavior by saying that his wife was not giving him the attention he needed. But moving beyond what the couple called “optics,” now he was asking himself for a more thorough accounting of what his cheating was really about, and how it affected his wife (New York Times).

The subtle shift in self-reflection has lead to major breakthroughs for Gurlanik’s clients and would have not been possible without Black Lives Matter and the #Metoo movement changed the way individuals viewed themselves within the systems of oppression. This is a great example of what Carl Jung referred to as the “Collective Unconscious” and it’s the first step to society becoming more empathetic on a grand scale.

If you’re interested in learning more we highly recommend checking out the full article on the New York Times website here. Otherwise, you can watch Gurlanik and her clients on the Showtime series “Couples Therapy.” And as always, if you’re looking for affordable mental health services you can apply for treatment here at the Dean Hope Center. Thank you for reading!